My Parenting Info

Despite the fact that the old saying goes “A man’s house is his castle,” it can feel more like a prison unless, as parents-both mother and father-and as responsible adults, we take the necessary measures to maintain a positive emotional and social balance within the home. Adults have their own needs, but of particular importance is the necessity to furnish a nurturing and positive environment for children.

Turning that mandate into a reality is, of course, a tricky matter that will vary from family to family and from parent to parent. What is for sure is that parents need to reinforce positive behavior in their children-and learn at the same time how to discourage negative behaviors that only serve to undermine a healthy and safe home…for all.

Lesson number one that parents must learn to this effect: nothing is better than leading by example. In the absence of such exemplary leadership, children will almost never respect their parents’ cajolings and insinuations as to what parts of their behavior are good and, likewise, what parts are bad, etc. In other words, to be able to foster positive attitudes on the one hand, and to be able to get their children to desist with bad attitudes on the other hand, it’s absolutely necessary for parents to practice what they preach. It’s an inconvenient situation for certain parents, but it’s an undeniable truth and a vital lesson for all parents.

With this concept thoroughly implanted in a parent’s mind, it then becomes necessary to refine one’s notion of what needs to be reinforced in a child: what aspects of a child’s behavior need to be reinforced from a young age in order for him or her to grow up into a happy, responsible and balanced adult? Yes, asking one’s self these sorts of questions is incredibly important and integral to good parenting.

It has proven to be quite beneficial to think of this rather serious matter in the following way, by breaking the matter down into three over-arching categories: which behaviors are good for the child itself; which behaviors will have a positive impact on the family as a whole; and which behaviors will have an ultimately positive effect on society as a whole, not only now but particularly later when that child becomes a regular adult citizen.

As seen from the first perspective described, that of the welfare of the child itself, parents need to focus on keeping the child constantly active–both mentally and physically. There’s another old saying which makes reference to healthy bodies and healthy minds, and there isn’t a person in the world that can achieve the one without the other.

As seen from the second perspective, that of the family as a whole and with particular emphasis on relationships between its members, it’s important that children remain actively involved with other members of the family and on generally good terms with them all (again, leading by example comes into play here as well). A practical strategy can be to encourage performing activities in groups rather than individually, though the necessity for this will largely depend on children’s specific personalities.

Finally, from the point of view of society at large, parents are responsible for encouraging commitment with the community and a readiness to show solidarity with the plight of others. Some parents try to do this through religious institutions, others through lay not-for-profit initiatives or simply goodwill; whichever the case, the burden lies on parents’ shoulders to ensure that their children are accepting of and kind to people of all backgrounds and creeds.

There’s not a parent out there that isn’t aware of what a major task it is to keep a healthy and peaceful atmosphere in place at home, especially in homes with large families present. Nonetheless, this is also a tremendously rewarding task, one whose compensation is rich enough for most parents to exert themselves greatly in this regard.

Parents need to accept the fact that there is no such thing as an ideal home, and that frictions will arise from time to time even with the most placid and amenable children. This means that excessively high expectations will only set parents up for a fall; rather, through talking to child experts and family/friends with significant parenting experience, less experienced parents can get a better sense of what to expect in terms of home living with the family.

In consideration of all these factors and their incredible importance for all parents, here there is a list of five crucial responsibilities that necessarily come along with good parenting, responsibilities that need to be fulfilled to really ensure that children grow up into responsible, balanced and successful people later in life.

1) The first responsibility on the list is reducible to one simple word: discipline. Though it may sounds stern, without discipline a home cannot function and can be turned practically into a living hell, for parents and children alike. Without even addressing the issue of corporal punishment by parents (a matter which elicits widely different reactions), it is crucial that a parent allow themselves some mechanism with which to maintain discipline among their children. Being left without a tool in this regard is bad news; parents need to be able to secure compliance somehow, or at least have something which the child will consider bad enough punishment, bad enough to avoid behaving in certain ways.

2) Secondly, parents need to be thinking about how to stimulate their children’s mental development at home, and not only leaving this to school teachers. Parents can promote their children’s intellectual abilities by reading together or playing mind/trivia games. Likewise, encouraging children to play music is a great way to open their minds up and has been shown to increase their performance in many academic areas, especially mathematics.

3) Just as the mind needs stimulation, so does the body; in this sense, sports and outdoor activities need to be very present in children’s lives. A house with child inhabitants has to have some sports equipment lying around, and parents need to incentivate their children to stop watching the TV and get some exercise…all the time. Even if it’s just a light session of catch between father and son, the activity will help develop bonds between the two and will enormously benefit the child.

4) Ensuring that children are comfortable and happy in their own home is very important, and that they feel comfortable about having friends come over; otherwise, kids may develop some sort of propensity to avoid being at home that will necessarily have bad long term effects. Hence, occasional sleep overs and activities involving a kid’s friends is very productive.

5) Finally, parents should promote their children’s sense of responsibility by assigning them certain chores throughout the home that need to be performed weekly, and that may have an allowance attached to them. This keeps kids engaged with their surroundings and will make for tidier, healthier people in the long run.

Whether you are sending your child off to preschool, middle school, high school or college, a new school year has begun. While some children love school and anticipate the first day with excitement, others groan when they think about school. For me, I looked forward to starting school, and especially loved the day I went shopping for new clothes and school supplies with my mom.

In my own home growing up and in our family today, we take our education seriously. Although my boys are not quite as willing and excited as I was about school, I still work to instill good success habits. Here are some ideas you can use with your children to ensure a successful school year.

Develop and Follow Morning, After School and Bedtime Routines

When my oldest son Kai was growing up, he was diagnosed with ADHD. It was then that I learned about how important routines were in a child’s life. Children thrive on consistency and structure, and routines provide that repetition and instill good habits. Make up sheets of paper that list every step your child should take before school, after school and before he goes to bed. Be specific and practice these routines until they become natural and habitual.

Goal Setting is Not Just for Adults - Children Can Learn Too

Once your children are old enough, give them a beginners course in setting goals for themselves. Keep it simple with children under age 12. Ask them to set one academic goal and one behavioral goal. For instance, I will work to get a B in Math this year or I will read 15 minutes every day. Good behavioral goals can focus on respecting other people, increasing confidence, or being more helpful. As your child gets older, he or she can learn to set larger goals that require more action steps, or increase the number of goals. Help your children create a colorful goals sheet or vision board as a reminder of what they are working on.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Communication with your child and his teachers is critical to your childs success. Last school year was not an easy one for my younger son. We were in constant communication with his teacher, working together to shape his character in and out of school. Some children will voluntarily share whats on their mind, but many children internalize their experiences and feelings. Learn to ask them open ended questions instead of closed ended questions like How was school? Questions that can be easily answered with yes, no or fine dont allow us to get inside our childs world. Keep yourself emotionally available and non-judgmental so your children feel comfortable sharing. Ive always found children are more prone to share at bedtime and during active playtime.

Help Your Child Identify His Interests and Talents

Have your ever noticed how some kids have natural talent for singing, some children are gifted academically, and others have a special knack for taking apart and putting things back together? That’s what is so great about children. Each child is unique and special. With all the competition and comparisons in school today, it can be easy for a child to get discouraged and feel bad about himself. Instead, help your child recognize what her strengths are by paying attention to what gives her energy, and what activities she naturally gravitates towards. Encourage your child to embrace his natural interests and talents instead of trying to be like someone else.

Minimize Your Childs Stressors

Stress, believe it or not, affects a child’s life as well as our own. While child stress is different than adult stress, children have their own set of pressures to deal with. Peers pressure them, teachers sometimes have high expectations, and kids are continually faced with trying new things. Stress for a child can be expressed through misbehavior, irritability or increased sensitivity. If your child is experiencing stress, incorporate stress management techniques to help them cope. Help them learn to have flexible thoughts, stand up to bullies, or manage perfectionism and procrastination. Try not to overbook the family calendar with too many extracurricular activities. Make healthy eating, exercise and proper sleep important goals for all family members.

As my youngest enters the second grade, and my eldest begins his first year in college, I am anticipating a successful school year. With these tips, you and your children can look forward to and celebrate success as they enter a new school year.